youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
