Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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