It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
