was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
