We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
