He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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