It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
