The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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