Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize