if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
