I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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