we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
