don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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