I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
