She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
