Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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