You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
