She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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