Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
