I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
