I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
