I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize