Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
