Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
