I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you inspire me to be a worse person
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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