first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
