Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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