i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
