His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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