Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
