OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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