we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
