...so i touched it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize