Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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