Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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