then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
