I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
