HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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