I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
