i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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