Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
