Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
