Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
