I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You had me at "let me see your balls"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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