Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
