if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
