Are we in a gay sports bar?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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