Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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