Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm like, not good at living.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize