So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
