I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
