ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's blow job season.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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