She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
