Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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