my phone needs a breathalizer
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
