the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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