I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
