her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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