I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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