I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
