If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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