His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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