He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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