I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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