So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
