I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
