I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
