I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
