I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
