the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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